remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
