does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
