And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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