Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
