Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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