If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this will be a night to untag.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
