I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
