I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
