i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
