Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
