Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
