he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
