one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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