he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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