can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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