So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
