Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
