shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
