Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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