mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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