she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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