Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
