Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
