my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
