I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
