I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
