take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
