trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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