Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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