Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
