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the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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