An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
