Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
