Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
