i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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