yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
