it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
