I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
