i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
