ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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