look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
