I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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