Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
