You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
