It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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