That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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