You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
