Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
