Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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