So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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