He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just pee around me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
