So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
