Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
