So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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