he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
