the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you never un-have a 4some
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
