you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
