FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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