so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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