No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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