I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
