I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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