Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
