Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
