They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
