I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
