I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
