I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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