Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
