Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
