somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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