her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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