There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
