i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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